Tuesday, May 11, 2010

One Line Films

This is not my creation nor did i come up with this but i think its funny so hence i'm sharing it. for the full list head to www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/

Essentially these are movies with the plot explained in One Line..... Short and to the fucking point :)
  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
  • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
  • DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
  • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
  • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park's grand opening pushed back.
  • KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
  • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
  • LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
  • LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
  • MULHOLLAND DRIVE: Lesbian relationship is harmful.
  • O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.
  • OCEAN'S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
  • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
  • RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
  • ROBOCOP: Female officer's incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
  • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
  • SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
  • SCHINDLER'S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
  • SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
  • SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
  • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
  • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
  • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
  • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
  • TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
  • THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
  • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
  • THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
  • THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
  • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
  • TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
  • TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
  • TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
  • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
  • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.
  • Requiem for a Dream : 3 Junkieson heroin/coke, 1 Old Lady on Speed, all end up in shitty circumstances

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